who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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