I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
