I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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