so explain again why im purple
no
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
