Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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