just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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