In the future we'll all be gay
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
