Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
if only i could text you this smell
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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