Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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