Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
