And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she told me i tasted like america
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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