Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
