well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
