I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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