he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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