So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
