I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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