I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If that was your dad, he is hot
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
