umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
