bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
