u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
