you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
