Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

ad ew i am wasted whats my problem

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them

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(847): View more from Illinois

I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle

(1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other

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(252): View more from North Carolina

Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.

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(941): View more from Florida

It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.

(1-941): View more from Florida

Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.

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(260): View more from Indiana

I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?

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