So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
