i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
