You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
