you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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