nut hugger
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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