he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
