I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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