he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
