His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
