he thought i was a dude.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
