DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize