On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
