I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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