Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
