He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
PANTIES FOUND
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
