so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
