The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
