I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
