I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
