She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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