I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
