Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize