We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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