I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
