Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
