You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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