Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
