Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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