stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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