Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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