You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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