So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
