enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
