put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
