Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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