He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
A bitchslap is in order.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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