Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
