So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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