Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
