I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
