Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize