i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize