Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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