sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
