based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
its not stalking. its research.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
