I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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