My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
