I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize