Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just googled if crying burns calories
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
