So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
