I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
