i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
