So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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