did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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