you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
